The balance between tourist and Tourist

One important fact: I travel a lot. Naturally, I can speak more than one language. My family frequently allows me to fly to various places around the globe and I particularly enjoy China. Some of the engineering feats there are massive.

This summer was surprisingly deprived of vacations because of an internship I was involved in, but we did manage to go to Washington, D.C. again. Even that though was because of a different program. I suppose it was still quite enjoyable.

I really like traveling and consider myself well-integrated to most cultures. I’m at least semi-lingual in over eight languages. By semi-lingual, I mean I can ask all the important questions.

Where am I?

Where is the police station?

How did they build this?

No, I can find the restrooms on my own, thank you very much. I’m not blind.

Stop, thief!

Let’s get one thing straight right away.

I am not a tourist.

I have just enough complaints to be a tourist, but not enough to be a Tourist.

Ahh, traveling subtleties.

Tourists generally just gawk at the 28th wonder of the world. It’s a little hard to watch to be honest.

Also, they don’t know how to travel. Packing suitcases with everything they don’t need and having to buy necessities and ten times the normal price at a gift shop. Additionally, they rush to try and cram in everything they can possibly see and they end up seeing nothing.

And then there are the tourists that really shouldn’t be traveling. Maybe they have screaming kids or maybe they have a screaming tendency, but they should get off the plane. They make outrageous demands that gain them nothing but a bad reputation.

So, for the next time you’re traveling, here’s some useful advice.

Disclaimer first: If you identify as an idiot, this will probably not make sense to you, as most of it is common sense.

i. If you plan on traveling a lot, make connections

Find the best airlines and hotels and stick with them. Get to know the employees, which for me means just smile at them and go back to your life. It doesn’t take a lot, but if they remember you kindly than your trip will immediately be less awkward and more comfortable.

ii. Learn how to bargain

And by bargain, I mean bargain in what you complain about. Learning what you can complain about and accepting small, yet critical concessions is key. For example, if you complain about the Sprite, instead of the price of Sprite, you get another free cup of Sprite.

iii. Ignore everyone

Traveling means being surrounded by people, who are often stupid and loud and annoying. Just don’t even bother listening because you will get a concussion from banging your head from the sheer amount of stupid.

“Wait, where's my passport!”

“I’m allergic to peanuts, what am I supposed to eat?”

“Where is this plane going again?”

iv. Pack succinctly

Your essentials are clothes, a bag of disposable toothbrushes/flossers, small tubes of toothpaste, two books, your phone, earbuds, and a notebook. Don’t worry about anything else.

v. Pepper Spray is your friend

A knife might be more flashy, but it doesn’t get through most security and you really need to actually learn how to use it.

I don’t know how you’re supposed to end travel advice,

Saul.

#old