Cooking My Sister to Graduation

Yeah, the title sounds super weird. I’m actually totally sane. Promise.

Anyways….

Currently, my sister, Lily, is graduating this year. This means two important things.

1. I get her room!!!

2. She needs to actually be able to survive in the "real world." (direct quote from Mom and Dad)

Now, I have an obsession with food. My Pinterest account, the one I never talk about, is filled with pictures of photoshopped food. (Wow, this world is insane.)

Anyways, with my obsession over food, I’d like to think I’m a good cook, but I’m never allowed in the kitchen.

No, this is not “probably for a reason.”

This is one of the injustices of life.

Remember point number 2? My parents have great concerns about Lily’s ability to survive alone at college. She’s great at adjusting, making friends, actually doing school, and not getting arrested. At least most of the time. (Another time, my friends) But, she is truly horrible at cooking, which is kinda important to living.

You may think this is an exaggeration, but she actually set Ramen noodles on fire.

I don’t even understand why they bother printing directions for Ramen and she manages to set it up in flames.

Mom was not happy.

All of Lily’s cooking disability stems from the fact that she thinks it’s boring and never actually pays attention to the timer.

“Lexi, watch the food for me?”

- "yeah, no"

“If the timer thingy beeps, let me know, I have to listen to Hamilton for the 58th time!”

- "yeah, no"

“I’m doing school, can you watch for bubbles in the water pot thingy? I think that means its ready.”

- "yeah, no"

This is my life.

Anyways, she let the water boil so long that a lot of it evaporated and so the top noodles didn’t cook and the bottom ones burnt.

How did this lead to fire? Well, she ate the middle (with bits of crunchy uncooked Ramen) and started another pot.

Which is the one she set aflame.

She was scrubbing the burnt Ramen off the first pot and had left the next package on our open gas burners, which were still on. She left the room and went back to her computer.

“Lexi, I’m making another pot, you can have some! It’s going to be perfect this time.”

I come into the kitchen to grab a soda and also watch her ruin her Ramen again. But instead, all I see is the package wrapping going up in flames. Flames as in actual fire. Fire which is spreading onto the pot. Naturally, I start screaming because she’s going to burn down the house and kill my cat.

Mom came in.

There was yelling.

Long story short, Lily has to cook every meal to get better. I’m honestly surprised our entire family hasn’t died from food poisoning. Don’t get me wrong though, three nights of burnt, plain spaghetti has been just amazing.

Bringing this back to my first point, we’ve made a deal. I help her make dinner before Mom and Dad come home from work and she promises to give me her room and help me renovate it. Guess I better start looking at room pictures on my non-existent Pinterest account. I want a secret passage.

While I will probably miss her when she graduates, I definitely won't miss her cooking.

-Lexi

Want to read a bunch of randomness about scary teachers and even worse cooking? Of course you do! Next post -> Here

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#old