Tips on Training Flying Friends: YOU could become a professional thief

When I was younger, my favorite movie was Blade Runner because of the futuristic, sleek architecture.

When I was younger, my most watched movie was Ratatouille.

I don't really know why.

Okay, that’s a lie.

I suffered through all the awkward romance for the Anton Ego and the talking animals.

Anton Ego because criticizing stuff and traveling is the perfect occupation. The talking animals because animals are amazing. The thing about animals is that they are the one companion that’s completely dependent on you.

I know what you’re thinking, why have friends when you can have a pet?

Pets literally adore their owners if treated correctly. They aren’t ever late or can’t hang out. They live with you so they’re always there when you need them. They are need you. Sure, they get noisy and won’t shut up, but friends are worse on that count.

Basically, pets, or more specifically my pet, are perfect.

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There’s one event in my life that I remember the best.

It was a dark and stormy night and I felt anxious.

It was warm inside the house, but I couldn’t feel it. I went downstairs and I opened the garage door to get milk for hot chocolate. I also got attacked.

I will admit I yelled when a flurry of feathers and claws flew at my face. It was a small parakeet, with blue feathers interspersed with white ones. Sometimes you can’t tell where the blue starts and the white ends.

Anyways, the bird had escaped from somewhere into my garage. I didn’t have a metal cage lying about my bedroom so I used a cardboard book and took care of her. She was severely thin, but not dirty as if she’d been flying long. My theory is that she was abused.

I kept her and didn’t bother asking around.

Now, Regal is about five years old now and the coolest pet anyone could have. I used to read My Side of the Mountain all the time and I was determined to train Regal, like the falcon the boy in the book had. It was extremely hard, but now she comes whenever I whistle. I don’t even keep her in a cage normally.

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Now onto the incredible knowledge for pet owners everywhere.

i. Use a reward system and put the pet through a lot of exercises. It exercises their brain and reflexes, just like tests or training help us. Teach your bird to talk, or at least chirp on command, fly towards you, etc.

ii. With animals like Regal, who was mistreated, you need to build up trust. So, spend a lot of time with your pet. It’s best to keep them where you are a lot. Sneak them into school!

iii. If your pet is as awesome as mine, then YOU, YES YOU, could become a professional thief, quit your daytime job, and live a life of ease.

Where did I come up with rule number three? Well, Regal stole someone’s wallet.

Complete accident…at least I think it was…

It was a busy guy in a suit and he was so busy yelling into the phone and brushing past other people that it fell out and she just flew and grabbed it. I called the guy with his card and he picked it up later, so it was all fine, but if I ever ran away to live on the streets, I could become a master criminal.

Just a thought.

I mean, you could probably do this too, but most pets are generally dumb - still not as bad as people - and you would probably get caught and thrown in jail. And pets are expensive and take time and mental fortitude to train, so time and patience - which most of you probably don't have.

There, disclaimer for encouraging illegal activities.

Saul

And just because magic broomsticks do exist...kinda...check out the next post: Only Magic Broomsticks Fly

And if you missed yesterday's post on worst cooking fails and the struggles of school, it's here.

#old